So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
