I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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