mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
