so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i think im in europe. pls send help
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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