it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
