Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
