Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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