ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
