We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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