im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
