i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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