It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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