whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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