we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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