The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
