The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
