No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
