'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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