I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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