3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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