Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
