Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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