i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
