I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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