U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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