Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
