omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
