Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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