For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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