I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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