I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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