she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
