Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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