my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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