he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
