Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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