I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
