I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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