I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
