Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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