needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
