WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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