Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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