dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
