Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Girls should come with a carfax report
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
