I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
