Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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