Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
