people are starting to question the shark bite story
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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