some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
