She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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