I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
