Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
