You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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