the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
